Relevant Quotes.

"If you are old enough to fall in love, then you are old enough to cry and face the music when it's over."
-Mama J

"...But the stars we could reach were just starfish on the beach."

-Ally Kwun

He stands calm and collected, owning nothing but his own ideas and experiences. 
He stands firmly, with dreams and aspirations.
He stands fatigued, struggling to not be left behind. 
He stands uncertain with his own identity, within a society demanding change. 
He stands alone, surrounded by a world spinning out of control.
He stands at the forefront of a life that promises him failure.

And when everything else brings him to his knees,
He stands.

--Anonymous

It's been awhile since I've felt the bitingly awful emotion of loneliness. And I can't completely understand why I'm feeling this way.

Yesterday, I spent the day with friends. Got picked up by Chris and Jonathanne. Stayed at Chris's with him, Jonathanne, and Roldwin until we went to watch Paranormal Activity 2 with a bunch of other friends. Then we ate In-N-Out, for my first time in months, and my last time for months. Went to my house with Jonathanne, Erschel, and Chris. Sleepover.

The rest of the days earlier this week weren't entirely uneventful. I had SOMEthing to do each day. But I think my feeling of "sadness" isn't because I want to stay here for longer; I'm a bit tired of the slow-pace of Oxnard. I do need to get back to Notre Dame. What I think it is, is this feeling that my time back here has fallen short of what I wanted. Now, I'm not entirely sure what I wanted to get from coming back to Oxnard for a week. Rest, sure. Relaxation, a bit. I think what I wanted mostly is to have obtained a confident sense that I would always enjoy coming back to California--that there's people and things I love waiting for me here. And I am completely sure that's true. But yet, I am still saddened.



Ryan

I'm heading back to Notre Dame tomorrow.

I feel like I'm going to be an absolute wreck.

"To live in the hearts we leave behind is to never die."

--Carl Sagan

The Fringe Benefits of Failure, and the Importance of Imagination.

J.K. Rowling <3.

Abroad.

So for my Political Science major, I only need to take 10 specific classes. By the end of this semester, I will have had completed two of the necessary classes, meaning I only need to take 8 more spread out throughout the rest of my 7 semesters at ND. Seemingly, I would have a lot of room for study abroad opportunities, except my aspirations for an English major may be slowing me down just a bit. Either way, I will have some freedom (at least two choices) for study abroad programs. I'm trying to decide if I want to do the one semester interning at Washington D.C. with some Congressmen or take a whole year at some other foreign country, either doing research or taking classes.

We'll see.

Haiku #2.

Friends and family
Oh how I wish to see all
Of you guys again

Haiku #1

O, Magnificent
Golden Dome, that I now call
My home: Notre Dame

Two Week Update.

I haven't updated in about two weeks, but not much has changed. The workload has seriously up'd itself, so that has led to less time for a blogging outlet. I haven't been able to play tennis for a long time, much less exercise, especially now that I'm sick.

I feel like I've finally caught up in Japanese, and so far I've been doing a good job at homework and getting to class on time. I have an exam for American Politics tomorrow and I'll be klling myself with studying tonight. Calculus can suck it, hard. I'm strongly considering dropping my Presidents and War seminar. The Astronomy test was pretty tough, but I'm excited to study and do work to get my grade up.

After Wednesday, my stress will definitely be cooling off and I'll have more of an opportunity to get back to studying enthusiastically. And maybe I can get consistently decent sleep sometime soon.

Volleyball.

I love that I'm getting a lot of volleyball action throughout my week.

Tuesday, Sand Volleyball with Team Side-Out from 7:45-9:00.
Wednesday, Volleyball Class from 11:45-12:35.
                     Open Volleyball Gym from 7:00-10:45.
Thursday, Interhall Volleyball practice.

Ohhh yeah.

What's left after you go is the good you left behind. You have to believe in hope. You have to believe in the future.

Astronomy

Studying astronomy is a humbling experience, putting the world into the perspective that so demonstrates the "folly of human conceits." It is both the oldest and the newest science; since ancient times, civilizations have looked at the cosmos at an attempt to explain natural phenomena or tell stories. It is the newest in the sense that we are only just beginning to physically explore that which we call space and we are only beginning to mentally grasp that obscure idea we call time. And both the old and new science of astronomy are interconnected by the ultimate goal of finding out our place in this world.

Through astronomy, I have come to draw connections between what I plan on studying--English--with science. The art of Literature and the studies of the Natural Sciences also seem to have a common desire to seek out some higher truth, some greater meaning. And when I hear elite scientists talk about their field so passionately, their words sound refreshingly poetic.

Now, the impression I'm getting from discovering the vastness of the universe is not one of a negative value. I do not feel that my time spent on Earth is any less significant, now that I can put it into astronomical perspective. Although in the pure cosmic sense, we don't make any difference. The time mankind has had on this planet--our own lives, even--are but a fraction of an eye-blink in the universe's 14 billion year history. Our tiny Earth that holds within it the aggregate of every emotion, idea, or person that we ever held dear, is but an atom on a grain of sand, on an infinite beach. Even so, the idea may be overwhelming, but it is also empowering. It shows us that, for now, we are very very alone in this ever expanding universe. All we have is that atom on that grain of sand on that infinite beach. All we ever knew has taken place within that fraction of an eye-blink. And because of that, mankind has a much deeper responsibility to each other and to its home.

And to some, maybe studying astronomy is an escape. What else is more unfamiliar to us on Earth than things such as gas giants, nebulae, and cosmic dust? "It is easier to go to the moon or to Mars than it is to penetrate your own being."

People say that your friends in college know how you really are. Well I think your high school friends are the ones who know how you got there.

12:31 AM

As of this time and date, I will try to use this blog for what I intended to use blogging for in the first place: An outlet for stress and a catalog of my thoughts and observations. Hopefully, if I can find the time, I will also use this blog as a portfolio for some creative writing. I plan on making an effort to get inspired by the beauty of Notre Dame's campus, and transfer than inspiration into text.

But for now, studying must be done.


Ryan N. Gonzales